So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize