Have you finally orgasmed yet?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
