so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
