Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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