Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
