I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
