She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
