i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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