I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
