Pappa wants mamma naked
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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