i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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