It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
being pregnant is like rehab
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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