its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
