You don't have asthma, your pregnant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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