Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
