We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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