have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All the doctor said was why
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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