I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
