Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As shirtless as possible
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Randomize
