your thong is hanging out like whoa
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize