You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
