dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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