reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
