she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
