I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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