Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize