I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
