Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
