so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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