you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
