hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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