If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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