Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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