Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
