Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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