saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
