this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize