You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
