All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
