My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
