I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
