Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
