I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
