As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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