i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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