FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
