he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
