Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
