i just wanna soil my oats bro
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
