She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
