Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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