Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
