Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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