If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nutella sex= disaster
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
