man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
