i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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