My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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