12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize