Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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