So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
