Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
