I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I stole a fireplace last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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