He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize