I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
