so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
