You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize