Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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