NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
