I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
