I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
