I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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