How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
