And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
