he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
