i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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