I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
love makes seman taste better
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
