its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
