Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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