shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
