it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
