You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
