That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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