Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
