Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
