hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
